another birthday

Having a birthday makes me stop and think a little. How old do I really feel? 36. How many years can I remember with some detail? 39. When was the best year of my life? 40 and 43. What do I regret? Little. What is yet to come? A lifetime. And so on.

Because I am so happy, I find myself occasionally wishing that I could have started on this path a lot sooner so that more of my life could be as good as it is now. However, I don't really feel that way. I had to go there to get here. Robert Frost says it better than I can say it with his extended metaphor in his poem Happiness Makes Up in Height What it Lacks for in Length.

Oh, stormy stormy world,
The days you were not swirled
Around with mist and cloud,
Or wrapped as in a shroud,
And the sun’s brilliant ball
Was not in part or all
Obscured from mortal view –
Were days so very few
I can but wonder whence
I get the lasting sense
Of so much warmth and light,
If my mistrust is right
It may be altogether
From one day’s perfect weather,
When starting clear at dawn,
The day swept clearly on
To finish clear at eve.
I verily believe
My fair impression may
Be all from that one day
No shadow crossed but ours
As through its blazing flowers
We went from house to wood
For change of solitude.

Paul has given me 'one day's perfect weather' and the height of my happiness is beyond measure.

Happy Birthday to me.

many thanks

I've earned my first dollar! And it's all because of you!

I'm not really surprised because my friends and family are the greatest people on the planet, but I am very touched. Thank you for clicking on the ads and helping me earn some money. It's only a little bit in cash, but it's precious as gold in sentiment. You all really are wonderful people!

I think I've used more exclamation points in this post than I've used in the entire blog.

money, money, money

Yes, I've sold out, gone commercial, joined the racket, sold my soul to corporate capitalism, become a 'true American,' and so on. If you look to the left of these words, you'll see an obnoxious collection of advertisements. If you click on one, I make a money (say that with an Italian accent, like you're in the mafia). I'm new to this so I don't know how much money. Google Ads says 'it depends.' This brings to mind a poem I love by William Carlos Williams:

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

Such a simple poem that brings together the essentials of life: tools to grow food, water to sustain life, animals to provide food. If only I could write something so profound.

Anyway, back to the greenbacks. By allowing ads on my blog, I can earn a little mad money, something to put towards college funds for the boys. No, more likely something to put towards getting my hair colored or my nails done. If you hate it and don't want to read the blog anymore, let me know. I'll consider stopping the ads. If you want to 'take one for the team,' click on an ad and put the boys through college. At the very least, you'll help pay for the gymnastics/dance class in which I just enrolled Timothy. He'll be moonwalking by the end of February! No, don't get your hopes up, but he does love to dance. I'm not going to put ads on the blogs of the boys. That would be...unethical? immoral? brilliant! No, no, I'm not going to do it, just yet.

christmas recipe

our tree in a sea of gifts thanks to our generous families

Like all good dishes, our recipe for Christmas is a work in progress. Some of the ingredients that we had this year are, in my book, essential.

#1 Children. Tim, especially, has made this Christmas the best I've had since I was a child. This is his first year to know Santa Claus, to learn and sing Christmas songs, and to take part in decorating the house. It's been a season of smiles and laughter thanks to him. And Luke has added his own bit of magic to the mix. He is becoming aware of his greater surroundings instead of fixating on toys and people, and this discovery has turned him into an explorer. Nothing is safe from his curiosity.

#2 House guest or guests. Nick came to stay with us for Christmas and added just the perfect amount of strange and new for both Tim and Luke. He's great with kids, comfortable in the kitchen, and a fantastic conversationalist, so Paul and I felt like he was one of our Christmas presents.

#3 Mild weather. Last year was a winter of snow, which was beautiful and exciting. This year has been mild. We haven't had snow on the ground in weeks. Even though I love snow and I love a white Christmas, the mild weather has made everything easy, especially dealing with the children who have been able to play outside several times this December. This ingredient is entirely dependent on the next ingredient. Without #4, I would want weather more in keeping with the season.

#4 Night at the condo in Breckenridge. Our friends who own the condo in Breckenridge are having the bathrooms remodeled. It was supposed to be done in November. Their frustration with the workers and delays meant that we got to spend Christmas Eve at the condo, and Paul and Nick got to spend Christmas day on the slopes. I can't ski until I get new ski boots. I thoroughly enjoyed being away from home where the mess of Christmas (we opened our gifts Christmas Eve morning before we left, something we probably won't be able to do next year when Tim's awareness of dates may be in place) would have had me spending the day cleaning. This trip gave us a gloriously white Christmas. As I said, ingredients 3 and 4 must go together.

it's a good thing we captured this on camera because they don't share toys


this is as close to sharing as they get.

tim opens a gift with brother watching


nick on horsetooth rock

nick up front with dad on a sightseeing flight over fort collins


nick, paul and tim before their flight


sledding at breckenridge


nick skiing at breck

There are ingredients missing from our recipe this year such as having our family in South Africa with us and our friends who are now scattered to places like England, New Foundland, Australia, and such. As I said, it's a work in progress.

siblings

Paul's company party was last Saturday afternoon, a family affair centered around children. Tim knows all about Santa Claus this year, but was still a little shy about sitting on his lap. Once there, he managed a smile. Luke screamed as soon as I put him down, but we expected that. We didn't even attempt to visit Santa when Tim was that little. I guess that's part of being a sibling: experiencing things before or after our time for the sake of the other sibling.

happy halloween

our house


our pumpkins

Halloween has long been one of my favorite holidays. My elementary school always made a big deal with a parade on Halloween day or the closest day before it if it fell on the weekend. Each class would take a turn walking single file through every classroom in the school. We'd have a party in our classroom and play traditional Halloween games like bobbing for apples. The school held a carnival one night close to Halloween but never on Halloween because we were all out trick-or-treating. There was a cake walk. One year, I won two cakes! A booth with ducks in a plastic pond that you tried to throw rings around. And, of course, a haunted house. I loved being scared. Often they would make a maze out of cardboard boxes taped together. With the lights out and holes made in strategic places, it was thrilling.

Junior high and high school were too academically minded to have parades, but we were still allowed and encouraged to dress in costume. Most of my teachers dressed up as well. In high school, we had costume parties. I was probably 14 the last time that I went trick-or-treating. In college, I went to a Robert Palmer concert on Halloween night. Before the show, they had a costume contest. More than half the crowd was dressed in costume. This was the 'Simply Irresistible' tour, and the local DJ's (all male) were dressed as the 'Simply Irresistible' girls from the music video. It was a memorable show.

When I was really little, I remember that I wore fairy wings one year, and a Casper the Friendly Ghost plastic mask another. I can still remember the way the condensation from breathing inside the mask built up around my nose and how good it felt to lift the mask up and breathe. In the fifth or sixth grade, my best friend Nancy and I made dice out of cardboard boxes. It was the first year that I had a boyfriend at Halloween and so did Nancy. We went trick-or-treating with them and tried to hold hands in our costumes. Our boxes were so big that only our hands stuck out of the holes.

Halloween parties as an adult were never as good as the ones held in the campus houses in Sofia. The Americans hosted the party and the Bulgarians showed us how to rock the night away. We danced and sang all night long. This is when I learned all the words to 'Alice.'

But none of these Halloweens were as good as tonight with my wonderful family. Paul has noted my enthusiasm for the holiday and joined in the spirit by carving a pumpkin, wearing a hat, and helping with decorations. Timothy's pure, unadulterated delight at everything from the decorations, to getting candy, to giving candy brings me such deep joy. I think this is a peek at what Christmas will be like this year, another favorite holiday of mine.


our family

steamboat springs and aspens at their peak

Paul took Friday off, and we spent a long weekend with my childhood friend, Amy, in Steamboat Springs. It's a ski town/cow town almost due west of Fort Collins, not far as the crow flies, but a three hour drive through some of Colorado's most beautiful country, especially at this time of year when the aspens in the high country were at their fall color peak.

aspens along the poudre river, about 1.5 hours from home

We took our time leaving the house and driving to Steamboat on Friday, stopping at Walden for lunch. The weather was perfect, and when we got to Amy's place we made ourselves at home, played at the playground about 100 yards from Amy's condo, and made dinner. Amy had to work until late, so we didn't see her until after the boys were in bed. It was great to share some wine with her and catch up on our lives.

Amy left for work early on Saturday morning, and we spent a day like people on vacation. Her condo is like a holiday home, located in the middle of 100's of condos built for the lucrative ski season. We had a late breakfast and went into town where we found a park for Tim to enjoy. From there we walked on the path along the Yampa River, then went back to Amy's. The boys took a long nap at the same time. Paul said seeing a Dodo was more likely than ever having that happen again. We read, napped, watched TV and sat on the balcony watching the leaves fall. It was so peaceful.

a rare sight

Amy recommended an Italian place for dinner where kids get to shape their own pizza dough. We helped Tim make a Mickey Mouse head. They put cheese, sauce and bacon on it and baked it for him. The waitress came to the table several times between when she took it from him and when she returned it to him cooked, and each time he asked for his pizza, please.

Again, Amy had to work late. She works at a resort, selling plots of land on a working ranch that doubles as a resort for owners and friends only. It's 1700 acres of cattle ranch with 17 horses, too many cows to count, a full time cowboy, fly fishing guides, a lodge with a beach entrance pool, a mini theater, mountain bikes, fishing gear, cross country ski gear; you name it. Owners can stay at one of several 'cabins' and use all the facilities. A few of them actually build homes on the land that they buy. When Amy has prospective buyers in, she works around the clock. This group left on Sunday, and she gave us the grand tour.

the ranch barn. the loft is used for an annual barn dance. this is where owners and prospective owners meet the cowboy for horseback riding, steer roping lessons and much more.

Paul even got to borrow some waders. One of the guides rigged a rod for him, so he got to use his rod and a ranch rod to fish the Elk River. It was a scene right out of A River Runs Through It.

fly fishing on the elk river

amy and the boys at our picnic sight along the elk river
lunch beside the elk river

We may not get to go to other countries on long weekends like we did when we lived in London, but living in Colorado allows us to spend time in some beautiful places with some great friends. Thanks Amy!