oreos in the uk

I first became aware of Oreos in the UK when I saw them advertised on the side of a double-decker bus recently. It was a sublime moment: joy that I could now get a childhood snack that has been unavailable to me for five years and saddened that an English icon was being defaced by another wave in the ongoing American invasion.

Today, after keeping back my own tears when Tim’s eyes watered with pain during his second set of immunizations, I bought a small package of Oreos as comfort food. I was confronted with a question from the check out clerk that I answered quickly but spent hours debating in my head in one of those mental time warps that sends thoughts flying faster than the speed of light. He asked me if Oreos were any good. What would you have said?

I told him ‘yes’ without hesitation but with the same exhale of breath that went with the ‘yes’, I added, ‘actually, no.’ Oreos are only good if you started eating them when you were a child when dirt and boogers were equally good to eat. I discovered this when I shared Oreos that my mom sent to me with my Bulgarian homeroom class four years ago. I had just enough for everyone to get one, and I took them through the different ways of eating an Oreo. Some of you know this story. When I announced that I was giving them American cookies, they began to salivate in anticipation. They’d either had or heard about the homemade cookies that the American staff made for parties. I think cookies are one area where Americans truly shine. There anticipation grew as I took them through the many different ways of eating an Oreo. I can’t describe the look of disappointment and even disgust on their faces when they ate. Several didn’t finish them. I had to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and give them to them the following week to restore their faith in America.

All of this went through my head between the time I said yes and no to the clerk. Along with thoughts about English cookies or biscuits. They have this thing called a digestive that tastes like cardboard to me. The better ones are chocolate covered cardboard. I think these must be good only if you first ate them at the dirt/booger stage of childhood. Especially when there is Scottish shortbread covered in Cadbury chocolate to be had here.

His face registered confusion. Why was I buying them if they weren’t any good. I told him that if he had any children they would like them. He said his son was four. The prefect age for Oreos.